Kitties

So, I definately miss my kitties right now. I didn't realize that one could become attatched to something that quickly. I have only lived with them for 2 or 3 weeks total, but I feel as if they are a huge part of my life that has been taken away from me!

What causes this emotion to happen? Why do we miss things? What, exactly, is this emotion? Is it based on a sort of love? I don't know, and I thought of that while at work at 9:45 in the morning! AAh! I would say that I love my kitties, very much, but that is not what makes me miss them. I also would say that I love Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet, but I do not miss it. So it is not love that creates this emotion. I suppose one could say that living without something would make you miss it, but again, that is not true. I live without the constant annoyance of some people in high school, but I really do not miss that.

So, I guess I could say that I miss things becuase I love them, and am without them. That still doesn't work! I suppose its a certain type of love, not just love in general, but the topic of love is a whole nother topic (I hate the phrase a whole nother. It is one of the most nonsensical things I have ever said).

Things I miss right now:
My Kitties
My Bed
Certain People from Home
Parents
Carolin and Brad
Chanty and Lacey
Carol, Peggy, and my Grandparents
Grammy
The Simplicity of Childhood
Playing Good Russian Music
Not being Confused about various things
Spring/Summer/Fall
Security
much much more...

Life

So, life?

We have already talked about how happiness is why we continue living, in some strange obscure way right?

Well this was supposed to come shortly after the post about death, but I got slightly busy, so its not coming until now, which is 11:50 on March 12th.

Life, if you think about it, is truely amazing. I mean, we exist! The plants in Zachary's room exist. My gosh darn kitties exist!! How amazing is that?! It is unbelieveable how everything just works together to create life.

Anywya, the real part of life i was going to talk about was not the actual act of being alive, but rather what you do with your life. Lately, I have started taking different views on things, and its really hard to act on them, and I've been failing at it pretty miserably, but I've been trying. I have started to see how much you miss out when you don't act on your impulses. Take practicing for example. I get the desire to practice at such strange times, and I rarely do it at those times. I have so much other stuff to do, but the desire to practice makes me unable to do well at anything, besides practicing. When I do follow those urges to practice, I have amazing practice sessions, and get so much more accomplished. Another example; socializing. I have realized how much I dislike it when there is something that I feel that I really really want to do, and I end up staying away from it to do homework. I dont do my homework well, and I end up regretting my decision. There is always time to sight-read. I cant imagine my life without sight-reading on a regular basis. It is my relaxation and also, some social time! Yay.

Now that that was confusing and totally off topic, I will bring up another point, that is slightly related. Ok, so... not regretting things, and doing things that you know you would regret not doing later. That is the only way to actually enjoy life! You cant allow yourself to regret decisions you make. Eveything you do is done for a reason, and even thought aht reason might be awkward, or weird, or painful, or happy, or any other emotion known to man, it was done for a reason, which makes it something important, and should not be regretted. If you go through life regretting things that you do on a regular basis, are you going to be happy? I dont think so. Maybe you will, but honestly, regret is one of the worst feelings out there, and feeling it definately does not make me happy. I guess I dont know about you, but really, regret is horible. Sometimes its good to feel it when something you do shouldnt have been done, but, if you dont do whatever was regrettable, you wont have that problem. Anyway, moving along quickly.. you need to take time to do the things that you want to do. Relaxation, which usually accompanies the things I am implying is one of the most important things to mental health. Trust me, I know this.

I am actually doing this right now. I should be doing homework and practicing piano for my class tomorrow, but I am taking time to do something that I want to do, which is writing in this random thing. Sorry this post is so random, and that i have used the word random about 2523 times.

Live life doing what you want. If it is music, devote yourself completely, it is an amazing feeling. If it is eomthing else, do the same, becuase I am sure that it is just as amazing. Life life to the fullest, and dont regret anything. I know it sounds soooo cliche, but honestly, life would be so much better if people would take chances and live life day by day and stuff.

This isnt making sense, and I will most likely re-post this after some revisions later, but now, i sleep, because its what i feel is necessary!

Feelings

Do you ever wonder why we have feelings?

To quote Team America "feelings are feelings becuase we can't control them."

I don't agree completely, or at all in fact. I believe there is modulation in your feeling to some extent. Granted, one cannot completely control them, but it is possible to keep them to yourself enough to hinder their existance slightly.

I believe that, but it never seems to work. I still feel anger, love, fear, jealousy and the like towards people.

If only it would make sense.

Death?

Death.

Why do we fear it?

Friends

I love my friends. Every last one of you are amazing and I could not imagine my life without you! Being sick gives me a lot of time to think about random things, and generally when I do think, the thought process is obscure and twisted and usually takes me down roads that lead to strange situations when I allow myself to travel them. I think this is caused by the cold meds, but lets move away from that, and talk about friends.

I am so blessed to have the friends that I have! What causes me to get along with them so well? Coming to St. Olaf, I was scared that I would have no friends and that I would be the kid who ate lunch by herself and everyone felt bad for because she had no friends, and I guess, that is somewhat of a logical fear. Humans tend to be social creatures, so it is completely normal to want to be around people have have friends. I got here and made a few friends the first few weeks, but nobody really stuck out to me as being the type of person I wanted to get to know better and become closer to. Eventually I found some people, and they have become my friends. Now, I have to wonder, why did I chose them?

It is entirely possible that I chose these people because they are of the same major as me. It could be that we are in orchestra together. I don't know the exact reason, and frankly, I don't think I want to know. I know for a fact that Angie and I have very little in common, yet she is an amazing best friend. Are we best friends by defult because we have known eachother for so long? Are we best friends because we know eachother really well? It's neither of those. I have known plenty of people longer than Angie. Take that one girl that I knew in Kindergarden who moved to Blaine and stuff. Yeah, she's not my best friend. i also don't really know how well I know anyone, so that is never really a deciding factor. It is all relative to the person you are trying to know. Some people are easier to know than others, and that is totally normal. I believe that I am a fairly easy person to know and figure out. There are some people who are easy to know, but very very difficult to figure out until you spend a very large amount of time with them.

Back on topic, why do I have such a desire to have friends? I know I said before that humans are social, but honestly, there are people who go through life not having friends and lead amazing lives. Am I just unable to push down that desire for people? Does it make me weak? Does it make those people who don't have friends strong? I can't answer this, and I don't think an answer is necessary.

Friendship is so necessary in our lives. Without it, we would be totally screwed. Think about it! If you had no friends to be there when you needed them, what would you do? Rely on strangers? How reliable are they?

Oh, friends. I could go on for hours about why I love them so much, but I wont. Instead, I will find something else to fill my evening, which will most likely involve sleep.